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Soulmate
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==Transcript== {{Computertranscript}} :[Describe panel here] :We created a machine to find sooumates. :No more chance encounters no more longing in the night the machine will find the one person with whom you would have your best- :Huh. It turns out all of us would be happier marrying any of the 0.000%% of people who are powerful attractive, wealthy brilliant. And kind :8 :We sought out these universal soulmates :I'm sorry I have no time to love you. I must first eradicate disease from the children of the world :Could we just do it then? :I'm more of candlelight romance guy :Goddammit. :In our awe of them we made peace with our lesser destinies. :At least were better for having known of them :They inspire us to be our finest selves :Until we uncovered their secret :You have secret meetings?! Trying to kill us no doubt :We have to :We were eating vegan desserts and discussing the nature of logic :Kill you be-fore we kill ourselves! :V1 :We set a trap for them :Mr president - as bait I propose we attack a small nation and turn its government to a shambles, creating a refugee crisis that we refuse to help with :Wow! You won't believe the coincidence that just happened! :The ideal people anticipated our plan and reacted accordingly :To whom it may concern: We have fled to Mars. Weleft you advanced housing. manomedicine, nd wandwiches Sorry you dutity get to annihilate us We Know you :The new martian race thrived. :Wow! The core became magnetic again the moment we were near :And the atmospheres thickening just so it can stay close to us :Earth became a hard place to be :My boyfriend left me :Hey there are always more fish in the sea. No really great fish now. But. More :Meanwhile the martians progressed rapidly :Now that im not fixing things humanity broke I can build that perpetual motion machine I've always wanted! :Oh/ and we can end war by like not doing war :The combination of their advanced knowledge and our advanced sorrow produced some uncomfortable math :The fundamental equations say earthlings would be less unhappy if they were non-existent. :So the kindest thing we could do would be :Probably :Lasers :All's well that ends well! :At least we will all be in heaven together! :Actually :We go to a different one
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