Naming-trends

<< < Comic #4285 (November 2, 2016) > >>

naming-trends

Title text: Is this the comic that finally gets me all the sweet sweet hatemail I crave?

Votey

Explanation

This explanation is either missing or incomplete.

Transcript

[A news anchor is speaking]

Anchor: …And a wave of child deaths has swept the nation.

[Panel 2]

Anchor: As parents have begun to choose ever more polysyllabic names for their children, the time required to warn them of impending danger has increased exponentially.

[Panel 3]

Anchor: Just today, a child was captured by wild dogs as her mother attempted to say “Krystarellalizabelldegailison! Don't go, outside!”

[Panel 4]

By the time paramedics arrived on the scene, she had just finished pronouncing the name, and the child was gone.

[Panel 5]

Anchor: Sources close to the scene believe the mother may have been repeating her daughter's name over and over to herself, but it was unclear because nobody was there long enough to hear the name fully pronounced more than once.

[Panel 6]

Anchor: Medical linguists are proposing a return to unattractively short names from the mid-20th Century, like “Chuck” and “Joe”, or just letting nature, red in tooth and claw, go about her bloody work.

[Camera starts to pan]

Anchor: We now turn to a roundtable of people willing to say stupid things for money.

[The camera pans, showing a woman guest]

Guest: I blame war widows for whatever you were just talking about.

Anchor: How shocking yet predictable.

Votey Transcript

[News anchor speaking]

Anchor: You disgust me, and are you available for next week's show?

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