Editing Mercator (section)

==Transcript==
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:Ladies and gentlemen we all grewup with the mercator map projection.
:All of us were mentally devastated wheni we found out that projecting a spherical surface onto a rectangle produces deformations.
:To our great sorrow, we discovered the world is not mostly made of canada, russia greenland and an antarctica that abruptly stops at 82 degrees south latitude.
:It's time to take destiny into our own hands.
:With the controlled detonation of the world's nuclear bomb supply we can eject the entire surface of the earth into space
:The surface can then be shaped into a cylinder with all the land kept in the interior, and spun up to create artificial gravity
:The eftover center of the earth is pre-molten soit can be injected into the gaps created by the new projection this will provide valuable heat until we can think of a way to recreate the warmth of the sun
:Beyond the obvious psychological benefits. This will vastly improve geopolitics. Russia is an expansionist power but this method will literally triple their territory based onextrapolation from their recent rate of conquest, they' ll be pacified for 2000 years.
:Canada's manifest aggressive tendencies will be countered by the now ntimidatingly large greenu and and celand much of which are. Again made of thousand-degree hot iron
:Europe will become disproport ionately scandinavian the damage to cuisine will be more than offset by the improvement to government
:Antarctica will be five times larger and if you walk too far into it you fall off of earth into space. This is objectively desirable
:The objections are minimal
:The lack of an atmosphere probl em' could be solved either by becoming a race of mole-people or sealing up the sides of the cylinder wi th molten metal
:The lack of a magneto-sphere would mean no more aurorea borealis but science says they're not the ghosts of departed ances tors, so who cares?
:And yes. The sun will be blotted out for all time however, we could recapture that light by putting huge holes in the surface of the cylinder
:This would provide the added benefit of literal bot tomless pits. The threat of which would cause children and criminals to behave better.
:The only people who could conceivably be mad are those killed in the initial de tonations. But they're dead. So there's no one around to be upset!
:What precisely would all this cost?
:Lockily since we'll mostly be dead. Money will no longer have meaning
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:Fea turing kelly weinersmith phil plait carrie masiello douglas natelson nidal moukaddam
:Caption: Featuring: Helenarney michael anderson tracy king minna yons ed thorne (me)