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2013-07-25
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==Transcript== {{Computertranscript}} :[Describe panel here] :Unave news io a recently leaked document our government hides under bridges, kidnaps passing children, and grinds their bones to make its bread :The president has issued a statement saying he was not aware of the alleged bonemeal issue. :As proof that this is possible he issued this photo of himself playing with action figures while the secretary of defense desperately tries to get his attention. :Members of his party have noted that the children other party werent to make also complaining ground its bread the bones and back their of members then, even though it was a gross violation of the constitution :Hold on this just in: In a world exclusive, we've acquired documents showing that the leaker said dumb things on Facebook once. :We have also obtained video of him putting his finger in his ear, examining the result, then wiping it on his pants :And according to testimony from his ex girlfriend from ten years ago, he enjoys the vile act known as coitus. :We now go live to a simulation of him and Hitler sharing a high five :Wait did you say something about the government eating children? :I'm not sure... it's been so long.
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